And how are you fine people of tumblr doing tonight?

(Source: bluedogeyes)

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bluedogeyes asked: Use your literary super powers and write a little fanfic /short story about me

No one knew exactly where Daniel’s beard had come from. It was rather embarrassing trying to explain this to strangers, since most people are aware of how body hair works. You don’t shave, it grows. This is how it worked for most people for at least a million years, and we assume the same for most of our primate ancestors, though the fossil record can’t prove whether they had access to razors or not (nor cared enough about personal hygiene). It’s generally accepted by the great scientific minds of our time that left to its own devices, hair will inevitably grow, sometimes coming in thick and lustrous and liable to be molded into all manner of pomps, curls, and fros, while other times popping up in less than desirable regions of the body. Most people believed the scientists knew what they were talking about when they said this was a natural part of the life process and never thought about it again.

Which is why Daniel was so strange, as he had been born with his beard. Considered a medical marvel, many exalted him as the Chosen Beard of our time, that he was destined to be the beard that would lead all other beards to greatness. Soon, his home was constantly encircled in the flowers left by the devout, who would sometimes make great pilgrimages to just get a glimpse of his wirey chin hairs. As a child, it was hard for Daniel to understand why people were expecting divine things from him, as he was facing a dark side to his facial predicament as well: some thought Daniel an anomaly, a genetic aberration or worse: a secret government experiment hoping to gain control of society’s rampant hair growth. For if you control the Beard of a Man, do you not control the Man himself?

His life was a constant struggle between messiah and mutant, divinity and deviant, Beard or…. No Beard? That was the day Daniel finally decided to take his destiny back into his own hands, to deprive the world of the thing they most adored and feared. Taking pills for his anxiety, Daniel stared at the face in the mirror, wondering just what was underneath that hairy visage staring back… He raised the razor to his face, his hand trembling, sweat dripping down his temples like condensation, just one swipe, he thought to himself…. one swipe to set himself free from the world and its mighty expectations of him….

Does he succeed? Will Daniel recognize his baby face? Does he even have a face at all or is he all beard? Find out next time! Same Beard Place! Same Beard Channel!

- Capt. Brooks’ Lonely Hearts Club Death Metal Band
Part of my ill named collection of fanfic: 50 shades of bluedog. Send your fanfiction now.

bluedogeyes asked: Use your literary super powers and write a little fanfic /short story about me

No one knew exactly where Daniel’s beard had come from. It was rather embarrassing trying to explain this to strangers, since most people are aware of how body hair works. You don’t shave, it grows. This is how it worked for most people for at least a million years, and we assume the same for most of our primate ancestors, though the fossil record can’t prove whether they had access to razors or not (nor cared enough about personal hygiene). It’s generally accepted by the great scientific minds of our time that left to its own devices, hair will inevitably grow, sometimes coming in thick and lustrous and liable to be molded into all manner of pomps, curls, and fros, while other times popping up in less than desirable regions of the body. Most people believed the scientists knew what they were talking about when they said this was a natural part of the life process and never thought about it again.

Which is why Daniel was so strange, as he had been born with his beard. Considered a medical marvel, many exalted him as the Chosen Beard of our time, that he was destined to be the beard that would lead all other beards to greatness. Soon, his home was constantly encircled in the flowers left by the devout, who would sometimes make great pilgrimages to just get a glimpse of his wirey chin hairs. As a child, it was hard for Daniel to understand why people were expecting divine things from him, as he was facing a dark side to his facial predicament as well: some thought Daniel an anomaly, a genetic aberration or worse: a secret government experiment hoping to gain control of society’s rampant hair growth. For if you control the Beard of a Man, do you not control the Man himself?

His life was a constant struggle between messiah and mutant, divinity and deviant, Beard or…. No Beard? That was the day Daniel finally decided to take his destiny back into his own hands, to deprive the world of the thing they most adored and feared. Taking pills for his anxiety, Daniel stared at the face in the mirror, wondering just what was underneath that hairy visage staring back… He raised the razor to his face, his hand trembling, sweat dripping down his temples like condensation, just one swipe, he thought to himself…. one swipe to set himself free from the world and its mighty expectations of him….

Does he succeed? Will Daniel recognize his baby face? Does he even have a face at all or is he all beard? Find out next time! Same Beard Place! Same Beard Channel!

- Capt. Brooks’ Lonely Hearts Club Death Metal Band

Part of my ill named collection of fanfic: 50 shades of bluedog. Send your fanfiction now.

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Shaving by Kaptain-Karmel

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Beard Science (via Sci-ence)

You can check out the studies:

“Microbiological Laboratory Hazard of Bearded Men by Manuel S. Barbeito, Charles T. Mathews, and Larry A. Taylor. This paper, while almost half a century old, is well worth the read for the images alone.

Beards Augment Perceptions of Men’s Age, Social Status, and Aggressiveness, but Not Attractiveness by Barnaby J. Dixson and Paul L. Vasey. This article jumped out at me not for the subject matter, but for it’s co-author, Paul Vasey. He’s a behavioral neuroscientist who along with studying beards, conducted some fascinating research in the Samoas. In Samoan culture, there are three genders: male, female, and a group called Fa’afafine (“In the manner of a woman”). They are boys who are recognized at an early age as being different and brought up as girls with a specific role in assisting their siblings in child rearing.

The Role of Facial Hair in Women’s Perceptions of Men’s Attractiveness, Health, Masculinity and Parenting Abilities by Barnaby J. Dixson and Robert C. Brooks. Who comes up with these titles?

Dosimetric Investigation of the Solar Erythemal UV Radiation Protection Provided by Beards and Moustaches by A.V. Parisi, D. J. Turnbull, N. Downs, and D. Smith. The conclusion is simple. Beards block UV light from hitting your face. The researchers placed mannequin heads out in the hot Australian sun and measured their UV exposure. For the sake of your skin, I recommend growing a beard immediately.

If you hate beards and would rather get skin cancer, know that the most exposed area was found to be the upper lip, so you could always just get a math teacher mustache or something.”

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